


Still He Didn't Cry

by Artymys



Series: Still He Didn't Cry [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha Derek Hale, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bad Friend Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Beta Peter, Character Death, Dead Sheriff Stilinski, Depression, Feral Stiles, Feral Stiles Stilinski, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Stiles, M/M, Magic, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Stiles, Omega Stiles Stilinski, One Shot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Derek, Protective Derek Hale, Protective Peter Hale, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf) Being an Asshole, Scott is a Bad Friend, Sorry Not Sorry, Spark Stiles, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Spark Wolf, Wolf Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:26:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27535996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artymys/pseuds/Artymys
Summary: After the Nogitsune, everything went down hill. Scott shunned Stiles; kicked him out of the pack and ordered the pack to not interact with him ever again. The death of his father and the threat of losing everything pushes Stiles to his breaking point.Part 1 of 'Still He Didn't Cry' verse
Relationships: Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Still He Didn't Cry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142987
Comments: 56
Kudos: 892





	Still He Didn't Cry

_This is a nightmare. It has to be a nightmare. Wake up, Stiles! WAKE UP!_  
  
Standing there, in the middle of the hospital, Stiles quickly counted his fingers while praying to anyone that would listen that this was just some horrifying nightmare. 

_Ten… No. No, count again!_

Even after counting his fingers several more times, Stiles kept coming up with ten. He was standing there in what felt like a freezing void that he could be sucked into and disappear; and he probably would have if it hadn’t been for the fact that Melissa was holding him as tightly as possible. Even despite the tight embrace, Stiles couldn’t feel the warmth coming from the woman who had been a second mother to him after his own had died. 

_We’re never going to feel warmth again, Dad took all the warmth with him when he left. No, he took the warmth when he died. He didn’t leave, if he left he could come back. He’s gone, dead. And you didn’t even get to say goodbye._

**_“Come on, Stiles, let’s get you into a seat.”_ ** He could hear Melissa talking, but it was like her voice was underwater and echoing down a mile long hallway; but it was still enough that it broke through and drew his attention to her. “What?” Internally he made a face, his voice didn’t sound anything like him. It sounded hoarse and raw, almost as if someone had wrapped their hands tightly around his throat and squeezed until everything inside stuck together permanently. 

**_“Let’s find a seat.”_ **Melissa’s voice was soft, though he could hear the way she was straining to hold back tears; and wasn’t that weird. Stiles realized as he let her lead him to a chair that he wasn’t crying. Sure, he knew that it was likely shock, that nothing has fully hit him yet, but he should be crying, right? He should be crying, he should be trying to barter or something…right? 

Looking down, Stiles realized that Melissa had pressed a bottle of water into his hands in the hope that he would actually drink, he was sure. He just…couldn’t. The doctor was back, and he knew he should be paying attention to what he was saying, but honestly there wasn’t anything that Stiles could do to force himself to focus at the moment. Melissa must have known that, too, because she took over talking with the doctor and discussing…whatever it was the doctor was trying to discuss with him. Which was fine with him at the moment, he just wanted to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. 

This nightmare that he couldn’t even cry for yet.

\----------------------------------------

After the hospital, everything seemed to happen in a blurr. Melissa let Stiles go home, he wouldn’t even consider going to her house; not with the chance that he would see Scott and that was just something he couldn’t handle at the moment. The last thing he needed was to have Scott glaring daggers at him or throwing him out of the house; their friendship had ended the second the Nogitsune had killed Allison. And with Scott went the rest of the pack; he had physically felt the bonds break, like a piece of his soul was being ripped out for each one. 

There was a funeral, Stiles remembered that; he vaguely remembered Melissa arranging almost all of it and he remembered each of the deputies from the station helping out or stopping by to check on him. Basically, the weeks after were nothing more than a sea of faces constantly coming into their house…his house. 

All faces that he didn’t want to see. It’s not that he didn’t appreciate the deputies all coming by, making sure he was fine, but they weren’t the pack. They weren’t the people that were his friends for so long that they became family. Scott, Lydia, Malia…even Liam and Mason. None of them would even come near him. As for Derek and the rest of the Hale pack…Peter, Cora, Isaac, Boyd and Erica…they had all moved away from Beacon Hills; there was no way they would come back for him. 

And still, through it all, Stiles didn’t cry. 

As the weeks went by people slowly stopped coming by every day; whether they got busy or they finally took Stiles at his word, saying he was fine, it didn’t matter. He was just relieved that he didn’t have to convince anyone that he was alright. He could finally just be. 

He was cold, nothing he did would warm him up. Even his magic, which normally buzzed within him with the warmth of the land, felt cold and distant; like he couldn’t access it. He had just started learning to tap into it and control it before everything had happened; before he got the phone call that tore what little joy was left in his life from him. 

Still, he didn’t cry. 

\-------------------------------------

_‘If I try to concentrate any harder, I’m going to give myself an aneurysm.’ Stiles thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose, letting the book Deaton had given him fall from his crossed legs to the carpet right next to him. ‘Would be so much easier if Deaton would just train me. But noooooo, Scott had to be a dick and demand that he stay the hell away from his emissary. At least Deaton had given him the book before telling him that that was all he could do to help him._

_‘Such a dick.’ Stiles muttered to himself while he finally managed to push himself up off the floor of his room. Checking his phone, he realized that his dad would be home soon and if Stiles wanted to ensure the man ate something healthy, he needed to get down to the kitchen and make something for him. Not that it was a hardship, if he wanted his dad to be around for as long as possible, he needed to help make sure that happened. Slipping his phone into his back pocket, Stiles went down to the kitchen to see what they had for him to make._

_Just as he was reaching for the chicken in the fridge, Stiles’ phone started actually ringing in his pocket. ‘Shit.’ Stiles said as he hastily put the chicken back and washed his hands before pulling it out. ‘Melissa? What’s wrong?’ He asked as he answered the call; it wasn’t normal for her number to pop up without something being wrong._

**_‘Stiles? You need to get down here, your dad’s been brought in. Something went wrong while he was helping a search and rescue on the preserve.’_ **

_No matter how much Stiles asked her for more details, Melissa wouldn’t give them to him; even as he drove like a bat out of hell to get to the hospital. And when he got there…Melissa shattered his world._

**_‘They have your dad in surgery, right now. They found the women they were looking for out in the preserve, but the people that took them were there and they were armed. Your dad was trying to protect one of the search and rescue volunteers when he was shot. He’d lost a lot of blood by the time they got him here and then they rushed him off to the OR. I’m going to go back in a few minutes to check on them, see if they have some kind of update. You stay here, I’ll be back.’_ **

_But when she did come back she didn’t even need to say anything, her expression spoke for her. Gone. His dad was gone and he hadn’t been able to say goodbye, he hadn’t been able to see him, to tell him he loved him…one last hug._

Stiles shot up in bed, his chest feeling compressed and making it hard to breath while he counted his fingers out of habit. 

_One… Two… Three… Four… Five… Six… Seven… Eight… Nine… Ten._

Finally able to drag in a full breath, Stiles threw the blanket off of him and rolled out of bed; the clock read three in the morning, meaning he had only gotten a few hours of sleep. 

_Longest sleep I’ve gotten yet, at least._

Running a hand over his face, Stiles maneuvered his way around everything that had built up around his bed until he could make it to the bathroom; splashing some water over his face and neck in the hopes of shaking off the fog of sleep. If he was going to be up at this hour, he figured he might as well actually start sorting through the piles of mail that had started to accumulate on the kitchen table. 

But first, coffee. It was basically all he was living on at this point; he could make coffee in his sleep.

The first cup, black as night, always went down fast; that cup wasn’t about taste so much as helping jump start his system. Once that cup was down, Stiles moved on to the second; this one was for taste. With cream and enough sugar to knock any normal person into a diabetic coma. It was with that cup that he finally moved to sit at the table, in front of the pile of envelopes that littered the surface. Realistically, he knew they were all bills; there was no way that they wouldn’t be bills. Well, bills and well wishes that he just couldn’t bring himself to open. If he saw one more ‘We’re so sorry for your loss’ he was going to scream.

_At least it would be some kind of emotion. Instead of just the numb void we’ve been stuck in._

Shaking his head, Stiles started making different piles for each type of bill; really it was just different stacks for all different colors. Pink, blue, white, pink, pink, white…the monotonous action was good, something he could let his mind focus on which meant he could just zone out for it. When he finished several stacks, he reached for his cup and found it was empty so he let out a sigh and got up to refill it. When he saw that the clock on the stove was saying it was six in the morning, Stiles was a little shocked. He hadn’t realized he had been sitting there for three hours; though he wasn’t surprised, time seemed to just disappear on him lately.

“One stack left.” He mumbled to himself as he carried his refilled cup back over to the table, sifting through the first few envelopes before he found one that nearly had his heart stopping. **‘Foreclosure Notice’** blazed across the front in bright red, bold, letters. 

“No….fuck, no.” Stiles could feel what color he had in his face rushing from it as he tore open the envelope. “No...no…” He continued muttering as he pulled the letter out of the envelope and felt like what was left of his life was falling down around him. He fumbled for his phone without even looking and called the only person he could think to call, Melissa. As the phone rang and rang, Stiles started to pace across his kitchen. He couldn’t lose his home too, he wouldn’t be able to handle it and it was the only thing he had left. 

“Please Melissa, please….” He muttered to himself as he continued pacing, and only hesitating a moment when he heard the other end pick up. 

“Oh thank god, Melissa. I don’t...I don’t know what to do. I...there’s letters and the...there’s a foreclosure letter and they’re...they’re going to take the house. I didn’t...I don’t know what to do...please…”  
  
**_“Stop. Dammit, Stiles, stop talking!”_ ** Stiles froze when the voice he heard talking back to him didn’t belong to Melissa, but rather it belonged to Scott. 

“Scott? Please, just let me talk to Melissa.”  
  
**_“No, Stiles. No, this is done. You need to stop calling my mother. MY mother, not yours. You need to stop calling her and dragging her into every disaster you create. If the house is being foreclosed on, that’s your own damn fault. You didn’t pay attention to what needed to be paid, this is the consequence for that. This is karma for all the shit you’ve caused…”_ **

Stiles was sure that Scott kept talking, kept ripping into him, but he couldn’t hear it anymore; his world was starting to spin around him while darkness started to creep in on the edges of his vision. It felt like the world was crashing down around him again, crushing him, and he felt the need to get out. 

His body was moving without thought, his brain couldn’t process anything anymore, he just had to go. It wasn’t until he was tripping over the roots in the midst of the preserve that he actually registered that he wasn’t at home, but that thought was fleeting as he stumbled into the Nemeton. Actually, physically, tripping over a root until he found himself crashing onto the surface of the stump. His hands and knees falling hard enough against the surface that they skinned, actually bled. 

The second his blood hit the stump, however, everything seemed to go to chaos around him. The wind whipped around him, causing the trees circling the Nemeton to creak and moan as they all but bent sideways and their leaves whipped around them. The sudden barrage of sensations bringing forth the connections to his magic that he thought had been gone forever. Light poured up from the stump, surrounding him in a blazing white light that was so hot it felt like his skin was burning away. With the heat came so much energy that it overwhelmed all of Stiles’ senses, his entire body sparking with it, lighting up in all consuming pain until everything went dark.

And even in so much pain, still he didn’t cry before slipping into darkness.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------

_Run, hunt, run…_

Every fiber of Stiles’ body was moving on instinct; even his mind had reverted back to the simplest of impulses. His paws beating against the ground, the earth’s song vibrating up his legs and causing every piece of fur on his body to stand on edge. 

_Run. Find pack._

Something was pulling him, something deep inside was pulling him in one direction; pack was there. He knew his pack was there. But the human part of Stiles that was still present, hidden behind the wolf as it controlled him, didn’t understand. 

_We don’t have a pack. They kicked us out._

**_No. Pack, find pack._ **

_Fuck, you stubborn...We don’t have a pack!_

**_No. Pack. You sleep._ **

The human part of Stiles gave up, it wasn’t like he had any control over the stubborn creature. Hell, he didn’t even know how the damn creature had come into existence. But he was tired, Stiles was so tired. Let the damn thing run, he was so tired.

The wolf could run, Stiles would sleep. There were no emotions in sleep.

\----------------------------------------------

“Scott?” Melissa asked as she came out of her bedroom dressed in her scrubs, her hair still wet from the shower she had taken, and her eyes wide as she heard the words coming out of her son’s mouth.

**“.....** **_dragging her into every disaster you create. If the house is being foreclosed on, that’s your own damn fault. You didn’t pay attention to what needed to be paid, this is the consequence for that. This is karma for all the shit you’ve caused. Maybe you should take this as a sign to get the hell out of Beacon Hills. No one wants you here anyway. You’re dange...”_ ** _  
_ _  
_ “SCOTT!” Melissa called as she took the phone from him mid-sentence, seeing Stiles’ number on the screen before she put it to her ear. “Stiles? Stiles, are you there?” She waited a few more seconds to see if she got any response when she hung up the phone and shot a glare at her son.  
  
“Why would you say any of that? I raised you better then that! If he called at this hour it was an emergency, how could you do that to someone you consider a friend?” She asked as she walked down the stairs to grab her jacket and the car keys. 

**_“He’s not my friend.”_ ** Scott’s denial echoed in her ears as she made her way over to Stiles’ house. She found no one there, but she did find the foreclosure notice on the floor in the kitchen, right next to Stiles’ cellphone. 

“Oh Stiles, where are you?” She muttered as she started cleaning up before she left for work. She’d check back over the course of the next week before deciding to pack up the important things from Stiles’ house and storing them in her basement; being sure to take the jeep as well. The deputies were out looking for him, but Melissa just had a feeling he was okay; he was just away. 

“When you’re ready, everything you need will be here. I can’t save the house, but I can save your memories.” She said as she stopped to grab the last box before the bank locked up the house for good. She knew he wasn’t there and couldn’t hear him, but that didn’t matter to her.

\-----------------------------------------------

_“Fucking hell……hate you.”_ Erica grunted as she fell back against the grass, the wisps of her blond hair that hadn’t been able to stay tied back in the hair tie clung to her forehead which was soaked with sweat. 

“No you don’t.” Derek said simply as he stood off to the side of their yard, watching as the pack continued training in front of him; though things were starting to wind down. They had training three times a week for 3 hours at the pack house; Derek, Boyd or Peter would walk everyone through the day’s exercise, rotating so that they all got a chance to train. Once it looked like everyone was ready to fall onto the ground right along with Erica, Derek decided to call it. 

“Alright, done for today. Go get cleaned up and we’ll order some pizza or dinner.” He called as he helped pull Erica up off of the ground. Looking over everyone, Derek couldn’t help but feel lighter. When they all left Beacon Hills, Derek had been in a hard place; it had taken a couple of years for him to actually find his footing and come into his own as an Alpha. With everyone’s help, the pack had flourished once they settled down in the mountains in northern Washington. 

The plan had originally been to go down to Mexico, and they had for a time, but it had never felt right. Washington, though…Washington felt right. Derek had managed to purchase a large parcel of property for relatively cheap, right on the edge of the nearest National Park, and from that point on, the pack just continued to grow. Now, the Hale pack consisted of over thirty wolves, several of which were pups that had come around within the last year. The laughter and joy that echoed around the property always served to remind Derek that things were so much better then they had been. 

The only thing missing was Stiles. With the shake of his head, Derek went back to helping clean up after training. He couldn’t think about Stiles; when he left Stiles couldn’t have come with him. He had his father to take care of, he was part of Scott’s pack, and there was no way that Derek would ask him to uproot his life and forsake his home to travel with Derek in the hopes of someday finding a home. Derek kept telling himself that he would someday reach out to Stiles, make things right but he kept putting it off; telling himself that Stiles was better off where he was. 

_“You’re thinking too hard.”_ Boyd said as he, Erica and Peter joined Derek in cleaning up. “That’s my job, isn’t it?” Derek shrugged his shoulder as they finished. _“Just like it’s our job to make sure you remember to smile, once in a wh-”_ Erica froze, mid-sentence, as she caught a quick flicker of movement at the tree line; a flash of red fur before a face materialized. _“Derek.”_ She said with a nod towards the wolf that was tentatively watching them from the perimeter, one paw raised as if it was favoring it. 

“Don’t get too close, it looks like it’s hurt. It might lash out if it thinks we’re a threat.” Peter advised softly as Derek slowly approached, doing his best to appear as unthreatening as an Alpha Werewolf could appear; getting within ten feet before the wolf startled and it darted back off into the woods. Derek took a few steps forward to check the area where the wolf had been but froze when he caught the scent. 

“Stiles?” Derek muttered softly as he took a breath of the mixed scent of jasmine and pine; it smelled of Stiles but there was some underlying scent that made Derek hesitate; the scent of the air just before a rainstorm. Those liquid amber eyes, however, those were all Stiles; he was the only one in the world that Derek had ever seen with eyes the color of liquid amber. 

_“Stiles? Like Stilinski?”_ Boyd asked, his head tilting to the side as he looked in the direction of where the wolf had disappeared. _“If that was Stilinski, why didn’t he just come out? Last I checked, he wasn’t a werewolf either. He refused the bite.”_ Erica continued, moving to stand pressed against Boyd’s side. 

“Something’s off.” Derek glanced back at the pack house before sighing. “We should find him, the nights are getting colder and the last time I saw Stiles he couldn’t keep himself out of trouble for more than a few seconds. Peter, can you stay with the pack? I’ll take Boyd with me and we’ll go get him.” Derek barely waited for Peter to nod before he was shifting into a full wolf and taking off; trusting Boyd to be on his heels. 

Following the scent was easy enough, Derek knew every inch of their territory, had run it often enough that he could do it with his eyes closed, and that meant he knew just about every scent that wandered through it. Following the scent trail led them to a river at the base of a waterfall but the scent of Jasmine and Pine was everywhere here. Derek gave a frustrated huff before nodding to Boyd; the two of them would comb the entire area if they had to. 

The sky had grown dark by the time Derek had found the entrance to a small den, hidden in the cliff face just behind the waterfall. He had to hand it to Stiles, he was always smart; having a den hidden by the waterfall meant that it would be harder to track his den down by scent alone. 

Derek kept them back from the mouth of the den, however; the last thing he wanted to do was spook Stiles’ wolf and have him disappear for good. Motioning to Boyd, they both pulled back to the other side of the river; Derek laid down first, showing Boyd that he planned on hunkering down there to see if they could get Stiles’ out of his den. 

Come morning he still hadn’t come any further out other than to peek around the water far enough to see that they were still there; quickly disappearing back into his little den when he did. With another huff, Derek stretched and rose to his feet. Derek wanted to give Stiles his space, but he also wanted to get him used to his scent; on the off chance that Stiles wolf had overtaken the human mind within it. It would take some time, but Derek was sure that, if they showed up regularly enough, they could lure the wolf out of his den and gain his trust. With that thought, Derek and Boyd started the trek back to the pack house. 

\---------------------------------------------------

After two months of continuously going out to Stiles’ den with various members of the pack, Derek was starting to believe that Stiles’ wolf was just as stubborn as the human was. At least once a week, Derek or Peter would spend the night at the river, outside the den. They wanted the wolf to find comfort in their scents and they wanted him to feel safe. Derek had always felt the faint pack bond with Stiles, even with so much distance between them, but the past few years it had felt even weaker. Derek always tried to tell himself that the distance was what was weakening the bond but seeing how malnourished Stiles’ wolf was, he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. 

Just as he was starting to settle down for the night, Derek caught movement coming from the mouth of the den, peeking out around the waterfall. The movement caused Derek to still, though he kept a close eye on it; Stiles sometimes peeked out to see what was going on, but this was different. Even from where Derek was lying, with his head resting on his paws, he could see that the red wolf was slowly making its way towards Derek. The closer the red wolf got, the more hesitant it’s movements got; almost as if it was scared that himself or Peter, laying down a little further down the river, would attack him. So, to try and put Stiles’ wolf at ease, Derek just waited him out while keeping his head resting on his paws; even though everything in him wanted to rise and reassure the other wolf. He knew that Stiles had to do this on his own, had to choose this. 

~~ 

Taking a few hesitant steps forward, Stiles’ wolf stopped and assessed the two wolves in front of him. 

_Pack. Go to pack._

The human part of Stiles’ brain was aware enough to cause the wolf to hesitate. 

**_We don’t have a pack._ **

_Pack._

**_We don’t.._ **

_This is pack. You sleep._

It didn’t take much for the wolf to lull the human mind back into sleep, the mind was too numb still to do much more than whisper anyway. Once that mind was lulled again, the wolf continued to venture forward; practically crawling on its belly the last few feet until it could lick gently at the large black Alpha’s muzzle with the faintest whimper. 

_Pack. Home._

Every ounce of tension that had built up in the wolf’s body oozed out when the black wolf nuzzled back at him. 

~~

Forever, the few seconds it took Stiles to come to him the rest of the way felt like an eternity but the second he did, Derek’s heart jumped for joy. When he finally relaxed, curled into Derek’s side, Derek could feel the pack bond flare to life stronger than it had even been before they had left Beacon Hills; and with that strengthening of the bond, Derek could feel just how starved the wolf was, how starved Stiles was. Not just for food but for touch.

How long had Stiles been suffering like this? The vibrant and hyperactive young man that Derek had developed feelings for, how long had he been neglected? What happened to the pack that was supposed to protect him? All of these questions swirled around in Derek’s mind as he wrapped his body around Stiles’ wolf and simply held him. Answers would come soon enough but first Derek had to get Stiles back to the pack house and back to himself. 

One challenge at a time. 

\--------------------------------------------

It took another month before Derek was able to coax Stiles’ wolf back to the Pack house; the majority of the pack decided to give them a bit of space, to let Stiles acclimate once they got him into the house. After that it took another couple of weeks for Stiles’ wolf to relax whenever the doors were closed, knowing he only had to paw at them in order for someone to quickly open them for him. 

The hard part, Derek knew, would be getting through to the human within the wolf to bring him back; he didn’t want to lose any of the careful trust that Stiles’ wolf had granted them. 

**_“I see our resident little red is enjoying some roughhousing with the pups.”_ **Peter spoke from where he was watching out the window, having heard Derek come into the room. 

“He’s adjusting, the pups seem to have a way of soothing him.” Derek remarked as he joined Peter by the window. “I’m honestly happy that he’s finally putting weight back on, we can’t count his individual ribs anymore.” 

**_“Mmm, he’s still recovering from being touch starved, however. I can feel it through the bonds still.”_ ** Derek nodded at Peter’s words, scratching the back of his neck as he watched while Stiles’ wolf let the pups all tackle him to the ground in a pile. The pile of wriggling kids and wolf brought a small smile to Derek’s features. 

“He’s started sleeping up on the bed the past few nights. He’s actively seeking out the pack’s touch; I know everyone is doing their best to make sure that he knows he can go to them whenever, that we won’t force him.” Derek let his eyes wander over the pups as they all started climbing off of Stiles; chuckling faintly at the antics of everyone outside. **_“Add to that the fact that he’s been scenting the pack, it’s safe to say that he’s starting to integrate into the pack without problems.”_ ** Peter added before he was walking towards the desk at the side of the room, pulling out a file and handing it over to Derek when he joined him back at the window. 

**_“This is the information you asked me to find out. Didn’t take much searching, even less so when I reached out to see if Melissa knew anything. His father died, about eight months ago. Melissa said that she tried to help him as much as he would let her; between her and the rest of the station they did their best to help him out. She also said that he kept insisting that he was fine. She said he called her one morning, about five months ago, panicking about the house being foreclosed on and McCall picked up. Needless to say that that call did not go well for little red.”_ **

Peter pointed to several pictures and papers within the folder. **_“Apparently everyone’s favorite idiot alpha blames Red for everything that happened when the Nogitsune used him. He kicked Red out of the pack, severing the bonds, and according to the text records there, he ordered everyone else to basically ignore the fact that our little Red even existed. He’s only had Melissa since his father passed away and even that was fleeting because she thought her idiot of a son was also helping Stiles. Scott said he was and she had no reason to not trust him.”_ **

Between Peter’s words and the papers within the folder that Derek held, he was honestly surprised that Stiles had lasted two months before he snapped and ran. The man that Derek had known had a fear of being left alone. To then be abandoned by everyone he had cared about, in a time when he needed those people the most...the very thought of everything that Stiles had gone through caused a deep growl of anger to rumble in Derek’s chest and his eyes to bleed red for a few seconds. 

“I shouldn’t have left him there. He said he’d be fine and I trusted Scott.” Derek took a few breaths after he closed the folder and moved to set it back on the desk. 

**_“This isn’t your fault, Derek. You can’t blame yourself for this. I know you, you’ll let it eat you up inside. You don’t need to shoulder someone else’s blame.”_ ** Peter reminded him, sitting in the nearest chair and watching his nephew closely. They had all made leaps and strides when it came to personal and pack growth and he would be damned if he let Scott fucking McCall of all people pull them back to the mess that they had grown out of. 

“I know, I know. But I can’t…Peter he’s my mate, he’s always been my mate, and I trusted someone else to protect him when I left. I shouldn’t have left him.”

**_“No.”_ **

“What?”

 **_“I said, no. This isn’t your fault and you had to go, we all did. We couldn’t stay there and thrive anymore, that place was a miasma of toxic waste. As for leaving Stiles, you know he couldn’t have come with us. He wouldn’t have left his father and asking him to wouldn’t have been fair to him. You yourself said that.”_ ** **_  
_ **“But-”

**_“No. Derek, just...no.”_ **

Derek let out a breath and ran his hand over the back of his neck once more. “I can’t let him go back there, I won’t. He’s pack, he’s always been pack. He’s home now and we’re going to help him.” 

Peter nodded as he put the folder back into the top drawer of the desk. **_“He is and we will. It’s going to take time, but we have all the time in the world now.”_ **

Derek would give Stiles however much time he needed to realize that he was finally home with people who cared about him. 

\------------------------------------------

_Home. Pack._

The red wolf jumped up onto the large chair in the family room as everyone else started filing in; mattresses and pillows and blankets covered every surface so that everyone would be comfortable as they all piled together to watch the noise box sitting on top of the table against the wall. 

**_Television. That’s a television._ **The human mind supplied. More and more the wolf was nudging the human mind awake and pulling it to the surface to join him.

_Safe, we’re safe now. Pack pile. Happy._

The wolf’s tail swished happily as it watched Derek enter the room, a soft yip of joy coming from the excitable creature when the tall man joined them on the large overstuffed chair. 

_Mate._

**_What?_ **

_Mate. Alpha, he’s our mate._

**_He’s…_ **

_Yes, mate._

As soon as Derek was settled into the chair, Stiles’ wolf shifted their position until they were practically laying on top of him; their muzzle pressed against Derek’s scent glands just beneath his jaw. Even going so far as to purr when he felt Derek’s fingers start scratching through his fur, his eyes closing with a happy little huff. 

_Home._

**~~**

Pack movie night was always Derek’s favorite, not that he cared what movie was picked. Having as much of his pack as possible in the same room, all happy, healthy and safe, was calming. Adding Stiles to the mix, safe in his arms, made the moment as close to perfection as Derek had ever come. 

Stiles was relaxed in his arms, he could feel the way that the wolf’s body was just utterly boneless. Completely open to him and trusting. If ever there was a moment to start trying to bring Stiles’ human mind to the forefront, this would be it. 

“You know, I still haven’t watched any of those Star Wars movies you were always going on about. Charlie wanted us to watch them a while back, but I told them I was waiting for you to join us.” Derek spoke softly as he continued to slide his fingers through Stiles’ fur; the wolf moving so that he could lay it’s head against Derek’s chest while he listened to him speak softly. His big ears swiveling around to show Derek that he was listening. 

“They did finally get me to watch those Avengers movies, though. I gotta say, I think Hawkeye was the most relatable.” A smile tugged at the corner of Derek’s lips when he heard the wolf huff almost as if in disagreement. “Charlie and Erica both made the same noise, but I’ll tell you the same thing I told them. I’m allowed to like who I like.” The huffing sound happened a few times and it made Derek smile brighter when he realized that the wolf was laughing at his words. 

_At least I know I’m getting through to him._

“I’ll tell you what, when you’re comfortable enough to shift back, you and I will have a marathon. We’ll watch those Star Wars movies, you can tell me everything you know about them, and then we can watch through those Avenger movies again.” 

Derek let his nails scratch lightly at Stiles’ scruff, letting his words sink in. 

“You’re safe, you’re home. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but I promise you, that’ll never happen again. This is your pack, Stiles, we’re here when you’re ready.” Derek was quiet for a few moments, giving Stiles time to process his words again. When he did, the wolf nuzzled his hand, licking gently at it. Leaning down briefly, Derek brushed his cheek against the top of Stiles head, scenting him, and let out a soft, happy sigh of his own and then settled back into the chair to watch the movie. 

“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll always be here.” 

\---------------------------------------

_See? Pack. Home. We are home._

Stiles’ wolf happily curled up against Derek, it didn’t quite understand the exact words that he was using, but he understood the intention behind them. They were safe, they were home. It meant that it was safe for the human mind to come out of hibernation more. 

_You sleep no more._

**_They don’t want me. They want you._ **

_No, no more sleep. Your pack too._

**_No._ **

_Yes._

**_No._ **

_Yes._

**_No. I ruin things. I’m bad. You’re good. They want you._ **

_No, not you. Things happen, but not your fault._

The wolf could feel the way the human’s mind was sinking, it was waning and growing fainter, that was why it kept pulling it back forward now that they were safe; now that they were home. The wolf was going to push the human mind back into the front whether it wanted to or not. They needed a healthy balance, whether the human mind accepted it or not.

_You try. My turn to rest._

**_We can both sleep._ **

_No. You need to come back._

**_What if they kick us out too? We’ll be abandoned, alone, again._ **

_Won’t be alone ever again. You have me, I have you. We make two. Two can’t be alone._

**_If they kick us out too, you won’t have a pack. It’ll be my fault._ **

_They won’t._

**_How can you be so sure? Aren’t you scared?_ **

_I sure because mate is here. Feel love._

**_……I’m scared._ **

_You okay. I always be here. You need trust the pack, trust mate, trust me._

The wolf knew to wait, he could feel the way the human mind was processing everything; taking in every word and feeling and going over and over them. He knew that the human mind needed time to process it all. When he was ready, the wolf knew he would talk again. 

**_I don’t know how._ **

_I show you. Easy. Just, want it._

**_Just want it?_ **

_Yes. Want to be again._

**_I’ll try._ **

_I trust you. You can._

The wolf knew that the human mind could do it, he just had to believe he could too. It would take some time but the wolf trusted the human and trusted their mate to help as well.

\------------------------------------------------

After that night, Derek and every other member of the pack made sure to spend some one on one time with Stiles. Each one of them talking about interests and asking the wolf questions, even though they knew he couldn’t verbally answer. The answers didn’t truly matter, what mattered was helping to bring the human mind forward more and more. Peter came to Derek that next morning to talk about the best way to help Stiles; he remembered what it was like when he had gone feral and what had helped bring him out of it. 

“We’re not letting Stiles murder people.” Derek said sarcastically, earning the expected eye roll from Peter. 

**_“I’m not saying murder. I haven’t had to murder anyone in some time, thank you very much. What I’m saying is complex conversation. A wolf’s mind focuses mostly on instincts; hunt, run, mate, breed. If we want to get through to Stiles, we need to give him more complex thoughts to process. More than just yes or no questions, things that will force him to process, think deeply and form complex opinions. Stiles has always been the one to research things, to learn everything. If we can give that to him, help him come back to the front, it’ll help him feel more connected and eventually shift back. Of course, we’ll have to give him tips on how to shift back as well; I’m sure he doesn’t have a clue at the moment.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ **“We have to get him to think. That, we can do. We can talk to the pack, let them know what we want to do and ask them if they’re willing to help.” Knowing Stiles like he did, or like he had before they left Beacon Hills, Derek knew that Stiles’ mind had always been on the go. He was the only one who ever got Stiles to slow down and go quiet, and that was only after he had thoroughly exhausted him. And even then, Stiles' mind never quite shut off; and Derek wouldn’t have him any other way.

\----------------------------------------

When Stiles was finally able to shift back, he had been trapped as a wolf for just over a year; though his mind had been sleeping for the majority of it, so time didn’t feel as linear as it should have. It was another normal movie night at the pack house, Derek had settled on the floor with the pups when Stiles came over and snuggled into them as well. While the pups fought to try and stay awake through the movie, Derek had taken to whispering thoughts and opinions to Stiles to just give him something to process. When Derek went quiet suddenly for a few seconds, Stiles lifted his head to look up at him with his head tilted in question; even nudging his nose at Derek’s cheek in concern.

“I’m alright, Sti. But I was wondering if you’d come outside with me? Derek’s fingers scratched idly at Stiles’ ears as he waited for the wolf to nod his head and climb off of him, both of them walking out to the open back yard.

“I was just thinking about all the things I wanted to tell you.” Derek started talking again as he walked barefoot through the grass with Stiles by his side. “Things I was considering waiting until you were shifted back to tell you but I don’t want you to feel pressured. And, honestly, I wasted enough time.” Once they were in the middle of the open yard, Derek took a seat in the grass besides Stiles. “I shouldn’t have left you behind like that and I’m sorry. Truly, I’m sorry.” Stiles let out a whimper and nudged their heads together. The human mind pushed forward further, wanted to cry as they moved closer to Derek.

**_But it’s not his fault. He has to know none of this, none of what happened, was his fault._ **

_Tell him._

**_But I can’t...I don’t know how._ **

_You do._

**_But-_ **

_No, you do. It’s time._

Derek shaking his head and continuing to scratch lightly at Stiles’ fur. “I know that there’s nothing that can be done about it for now, all I can do is ask for your forgiveness. And even then, you don’t owe it to me at all.” 

**_I can’t do this, I don’t know how!_ **

_Yes, you do. Thinking too hard._

**_That’s all I know how to do, all I’m good for!_ **

_No. Just stop. Don’t try, just do._

“I know I was a wreck back then, emotionally I was a mess and I didn’t know how to express anything but anger, but that’s a sad excuse for not telling you how I felt. How I still feel.” Derek drew in a deep breath, his head tilted back to look up at the stars for a few more seconds before he righted himself and looked back at Stiles. “I love you, Stiles. I loved you even before I knew you were my mate. I’ll always love you.”

_You see? Safe, cared for, love. We are home._

**_Home…_ **

_Yes, home. Safe._

**_Safe._ **

_Yes. Loved._

**_Loved…but what if we don’t deserve love?_ **

_All deserve love. We deserve love. We love him. We love our mate._

**_Love. We do love Derek. We love our mate._ **

_Tell him._

**_Yes. I have to tell him._ **

For the first time in over a year, Stiles wanted to change; he wanted it so bad that he didn’t even realize that he had started pulling at his magic connection to the earth beneath them. He didn’t even register as his body started to ache, all he could think about was how much he wanted to tell Derek that he loved him too. It wasn’t until he was wrapping actual arms around Derek, clinging to him, that he even registered that he had shifted. 

“Stop just...you can’t blame yourself” Stiles’ voice was raw, sounding more like a toad that smoked five packs a day, but it was still his voice. He could speak. 

“Stiles? Stiles!” Derek’s shock was evident, he hadn’t expected him to shift in the middle of the yard, without warning, but Derek couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face while his arms wrapped around Stiles’ waist. “It’s you. I mean, it’s always been you but it’s you you. No fur.” Derek’s words held an edge of laughter even as he shifted his position until he could pull Stiles into his lap, wrapping as tightly around him as he could. 

“Say it again?” Stiles’ voice was muffled as he pressed his face against Derek’s neck, desperately holding onto Derek as if he was afraid he was going to throw him away.  
  
Derek smiled into Stiles hair, unable to even loosen his hold enough for the other man to pull back. “I love you. I love you so much.” Stiles let out a soft sob even as pure happiness echoed through the pack bond to Derek. “I love you too.” He mumbled back to him, his arms squeezing around Derek tightly. 

The pair of them sat out there in the grass, under the night sky, for a couple of hours before Derek decided it was time for them to go in; Stiles was practically falling asleep in his arms and he wanted to take care of his mate. “Come on, let’s get you inside and into some clothes.” Stiles let out a sleepy chuckle at Derek’s words but didn’t move to get up right away. Taking advantage of Stiles’ hesitation, Derek readjusted his grip on Stiles and rose to his feet with him still in his arms. “I’ve got you. You’re stuck with me now.” He whispered against Stiles’ temple as he walked into the house; hearing the pack murmuring in the other rooms but staying out of the way so that Stiles wouldn’t feel swarmed yet. That would happen soon enough, as everyone else in the pack was eager to see the man that had quickly become a loved member of the pack. 

\-------------------------------------------------

Peter managed to talk the pack into leaving the pair alone for the night, but once breakfast rolled around, all bets were off. By the time Derek and Stiles made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen, almost the entire pack was swarming around them. It took them a while to even just make their way to the table, which was about as far as the pack would let them get anyway.

Every pup that was awake was clamouring for Stiles and Derek’s attention, climbing all over them and hugging and scenting them once they were sitting on one of the benches for the table; and with the smiles and laughter that was coming from Stiles, Derek wouldn’t have tried to get them to move anyway. He did, however, scoot the kids off of him and to Stiles once the platters of food were placed on the table so that he could make plates up for Stiles and himself. The simple act of providing even just that plate of food for his mate caused Derek to feel more relaxed than he had been in a long time. He hadn’t realized how much tension around having left Stiles in Beacon Hills he was still holding onto until it was finally gone; he felt so much lighter.

~~

Breakfast was crazy, it was so full of people and laughter and happiness and just the feeling of home that Stiles couldn’t stop smiling. Every single person that was in that kitchen made a point to come over and greet him; and not just by saying hi. No. Each one of them came over and welcomed him into the pack; scenting, touching and connecting with him to help strengthen the pack bonds that Stiles felt growing within him. 

He had been so scared when they woke up that morning; his body had jolted awake in almost a panic that had taken Derek a few minutes to actually get him to calm down. Stiles had thought it was all just a dream, that he would wake up and the past year would have been nothing more than a loneliness induced dream. Derek spent over half an hour holding him, reminding him that he was there and helping him reach out and touch each of the pack bonds that had developed over the time that Stiles had been there. Having something tangible and real to touch, both Derek and the bonds, helped to ground him and helped him realize that he wasn’t trapped in another dream.

Sitting there at the table, with the pups crawling all over him and everyone talking in a loud chatter, Stiles could feel the bonds pulsing with happiness and love. Stiles had to fight back a sob of happiness and relief with every pulse; that feeling of pack and home and love was something that he had been missing for so long before his wolf found Derek and his pack. Stiles was pulled from his thoughts when Derek set a plate piled with so much food it was almost comical, but it brought a smile to Stiles’ face. “Thank you.” Stiles said as he leaned over carefully, so as not to topple over any of the pups, and brushed their cheeks together. “I love you.” His voice was soft, still not used to being used, but Derek’s smile was worth it. “I love you too, Sti.” 

\----------------------------------------------

Several days later, while Stiles was in the shower, Derek felt the first pang of sadness echo through the pack bond he shared with Stiles since he changed back; that was unacceptable. The distance from their bed to the bathroom where Stiles was was covered in two long strides and the door cracked open after Derek rapped his knuckles against it to let Stiles know. 

He could hear the faint sniffle that came from Stiles as he tried to hide that he had been crying, he saw Stiles turn his head to splash water over his face from the shower as well. “What’s up?” Stiles was trying so hard to sound nonchalant but Derek could physically feel the ache of sadness like it was his own. 

“I um- I had a feeling you might need some company. You know you don’t have to hide how you’re feeling from me, don’t you?” Internally, Derek could see the irony in his own words; he had been so emotionally stunted in Beacon Hills and Stiles had always been the one trying to get him to open up. Any other situation and Derek would have laughed about the turn about.

“I know, I do. I’m still having a hard time remembering I have a voice.” Stiles spoke even as he finished up his shower, his movements still awkward as he adjusted to having longer limbs and being up on two legs instead of four. He let out an almost bashful smile as he cut off the water and Derek held a towel open for him to step into; a soft almost purring sound coming from Stiles as Derek wrapped him up in the towel and his arms. 

“I was just thinking about everything that I left in Beacon Hills when…when I suddenly sprouted fur. Dad’s gone and I found a letter… The bank was foreclosing on the house, it’s not like I could pay the mortgage. But…but I left and now everything I had left of my mom and dad is just...it’s all just gone.” Stiles pressed closer into Derek’s chest, his forehead pressed to Derek’s shoulder as he soaked up the warmth and comfort that Derek was offering him. 

“It’s just...it’s all gone.” Stiles swallowed and pressed his face more firmly against Derek’s body to try and hold back more tears. Derek wrapped his arms tighter around Stiles’ waist and held Stiles to him.  
  
“It’s not gone.” Derek didn’t loosen his hold on Stiles but the other man did have enough room to lean back and to look up at Derek in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, it’s not gone. I had Peter reach out to Melissa when we found out it was you, she told us what had happened. You’ll have to call her soon, by the way. She was worried about you, probably still is if the weekly calls we get asking about you are anything to go on. But back on topic. When Melissa found that you’d disappeared, after the notice, she had everything packed up and stored for you. It’s in her basement, waiting for you. And she kept that rickety old jeep of yours as well.”  
  
Stiles froze at Derek’s words, his eyes going wider and starting to water again the more he was hearing. “So it’s not...it wasn’t all thrown out?” 

“No, love. It’s all waiting for you, for whenever you want it.” 

Stiles' bottom lip caught on his teeth as he worried at it, every emotion he felt playing over his face as he thought things over. “It’s back in Beacon Hills. I don’t think I can go back there.” Derek slowly brought his hand up to free Stiles’ bottom lip before giving him one of the gentlest of kisses he had ever given him.  
  
“You don’t have to go back there. When you’re ready, we can ask for some volunteers from the pack to go and bring your things home to you. Peter has already said that he’d be willing to volunteer.” Derek knew that Peter’s intentions weren’t purely innocent; if Peter went there was a very high likelihood that there would be some kind of confrontation with Scott and his pack. Honestly, Derek would be fine with it too, so long as Peter kept it low profile, so that nothing could come back onto their pack. And, let’s face it, that was one of Peter’s specialties. 

Tears started free flowing down Stiles’ cheeks at Derek’s words and for a second Derek was scared he had done something to upset him but then he felt relief practically emanating off of Stiles. “Thank you.” Stiles whispered at him, rising up to kiss him again. “I don’t deserve you-” 

Derek cut Stiles’ words off by shaking his head. “You deserve every happiness, Stiles. I intend to show you every chance I get. I will do everything I can to ensure that you see that you’re deserving of happiness and love.” 

Stiles looked up at Derek as more tears trailed over his cheeks, almost unable to believe that Derek could ever love anyone like him but he knew that he would never let Derek go. Derek was his home, his pack, his life. 

Derek was his safe place, where Stiles could finally feel. Where Stiles could finally cry. 


End file.
